Things may be looking up...
It's been a hellacious couple of weeks. Normally, of course, I wouldn't dream of using this blog to talk about my personal life, but it's been bad. First, there was my car accident, the details of which can be found at http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070323/LIFE/703230320/1054.
Then came the sudden loss of hearing in my right ear that necessitated a trip to the doctor and a procedure that is as ugly-looking as it is uncomfortable.
Next, with one car and two good ears I was headed to work yesterday, tooling down the Garden State Parkway, when my tire blew up.
And despite my generally cheery outlook on this, the best of all possible worlds, I have to admit I was feeling a little down in the dumps by the time I got home. But then, I checked the mail, and things changed. I received a hand-addressed envelope from Donald Trump himself.
OK, it wasn't exactly hand-addressed, but it was made to look as if it were hand-addressed, and that's the kind of generous, classy, saint-like actions I've come to associate with The Donald. But what was inside the envelope was truly shocking. Donald himself invited me to attend a seminar led by his classy daughter.
I assume that once Ms. Trump gets a look at me, I'll have to be very firm and explain that I'm a happily married man. If she can muster the strength to go on after that sort of heartbreak, I understand that after a few short hours, I'll learn the secret of becoming a billionaire.
I sure hope that the secret isn't "Have a rich daddy,'' because then I'm dead. But if it in any way involves bad hair, I'm golden.
Did anybody else get their invitation to this soiree?
Then came the sudden loss of hearing in my right ear that necessitated a trip to the doctor and a procedure that is as ugly-looking as it is uncomfortable.
Next, with one car and two good ears I was headed to work yesterday, tooling down the Garden State Parkway, when my tire blew up.
And despite my generally cheery outlook on this, the best of all possible worlds, I have to admit I was feeling a little down in the dumps by the time I got home. But then, I checked the mail, and things changed. I received a hand-addressed envelope from Donald Trump himself.
OK, it wasn't exactly hand-addressed, but it was made to look as if it were hand-addressed, and that's the kind of generous, classy, saint-like actions I've come to associate with The Donald. But what was inside the envelope was truly shocking. Donald himself invited me to attend a seminar led by his classy daughter.
I assume that once Ms. Trump gets a look at me, I'll have to be very firm and explain that I'm a happily married man. If she can muster the strength to go on after that sort of heartbreak, I understand that after a few short hours, I'll learn the secret of becoming a billionaire.
I sure hope that the secret isn't "Have a rich daddy,'' because then I'm dead. But if it in any way involves bad hair, I'm golden.
Did anybody else get their invitation to this soiree?
posted by Michael Riley at 10:58 AM
8 Comments:
"First, there was my car accident ..." -- Michael Riley
Well, at least the car wasn't totaled. I'd hate to think what it would set you back to buy another 1978 Ford Pinto, after all.
No, I guess mine is still "in the mail", along with Rosie O'Donnell's invite..hey, at least you were able to hear the tire blow out after getting your bad ear fixed..hey, at least you got ears! (I am forever the optimist)..
Thanks to the link you provided above, Reverend Riley, I just read your March 16th column. That said, and although not at all surprised by the news, do you have a problem with the NRA?
The National Rifle Association's Web Site
"Only selfish, insecure people think they need guns, anyway." -- Ray
Firearms are used far more often for defensive purposes, Ray, than they are ever used in the commission of crimes.
I just set my two youngest boys up with their first guns. Each receives a rifle and a handgun and must make it to the firing range once a week. Just as the NRA teaches, they know that their guns are for their own protection and defense of their nation only.
I only hope my two boys, 10 and 12, can catch up to my daughter, now 20, in marksmanship.
Did you hear about the woman in NYC who was murdered by her boyfriend? Seems she tried to defend herself by holding up a court order, but it would not fire.
hey, anonymous how absolutely nauseating that your two little boys are shooting guns twice a week (to catch up with their older sister)..why the rifle and pistol? it is odd that in this country you need to be 16/17 to learn to drive a deadly weapon but you can be 7,9,10 and legally learn to fire a deadly weapon? maybe one day you and wifey will awaken to find these adorable children got into the gun cabinet to show-off to their friends and an accident occurs (they are 8,10 after all)or the Menendez prodigys may get tired of your wacko teachings one day and be on Court TV expalining how mommy and daddy and big sis died...
Different anonymi.
It has also been shown that as far as household accidents go, a gun that a child is allowed to use under certain conditions is much safer in the house than a hidden gun.
My children know what their weapons can do and act accordingly.
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