And they say vaudeville is dead...

So, my son Christopher wanted to get contact lenses before he headed back to college.
The technology is a little new-fangled for me, but I'm a tolerant, progressive sort so I said OK and took him to the optometrist and sat in the waiting room.
And sat.
And sat.
And sat.
Finally, I charmed my way past the receptionist and stuck my head in the room where Christopher was attempting to try them on.
"Well, now we got ourselves a little cabaret going,'' I thought to myself as I watched the bumbling first attempts to put the contact lenses in.
After I awhile, I offered him the best advice I could think of:
"Son,'' I said, "you're going up against a million years of evolution here. Because if evolution has taught us anything, it's this: Don't go sticking stuff in your eye!''
Christopher was not amused. But he kept at it, the little myopic who could.
I'm so proud.