Hey, Anonymous -- and you know who you are
Someone came up to me at the office the other day. "Hey, Riley,'' he said. "Have you checked out your blog lately? Somebody really hates you, man! Do you know what I'm talking about?''
Of course, I knew. Reading the jeers of "Anonymous'' has shaken me to my core. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, can hardly function anymore. My wife is worried about me, wonders why my eyes are so often red-rimmed. My kids say, "Daddy, will you ever smile again?''
"I don't know,'' I tell them in a voice that is ghostly, low and hoarse. "'Anonymous' doesn't like daddy.''
Will I be able to go on? Of course, I will, people.
I've never had stage fright when I've spoken or preached in front of large groups of people, because I understood early on that most people are on your side: They want you to do well. That's more than half the battle right there.
But this blog sniping is weird. My gut and my sweet wife tell me to rise above it, rise so far above it that I can ignore it. And normally I would. But this is more like a heckler at a nightclub. And I've done stand-up comedy. Luckily, I was very funny and didn't have a heckler, but I was prepared.
And I've got nothing against most of you "Anonymousi'' out there. There's a lot of good reasons not to get all identifiable.
But there is one idiot "Anonymous'' out there who hasn't quite figured out that if you don't like something, it's probably not a good idea to subject yourself to it again and again, unless you like to bang your head against a wall simply becomes it feels so good when you stop.
Let me just say to him or her: "Maybe you should start breaking the pills in half.''
Of course, I knew. Reading the jeers of "Anonymous'' has shaken me to my core. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, can hardly function anymore. My wife is worried about me, wonders why my eyes are so often red-rimmed. My kids say, "Daddy, will you ever smile again?''
"I don't know,'' I tell them in a voice that is ghostly, low and hoarse. "'Anonymous' doesn't like daddy.''
Will I be able to go on? Of course, I will, people.
I've never had stage fright when I've spoken or preached in front of large groups of people, because I understood early on that most people are on your side: They want you to do well. That's more than half the battle right there.
But this blog sniping is weird. My gut and my sweet wife tell me to rise above it, rise so far above it that I can ignore it. And normally I would. But this is more like a heckler at a nightclub. And I've done stand-up comedy. Luckily, I was very funny and didn't have a heckler, but I was prepared.
And I've got nothing against most of you "Anonymousi'' out there. There's a lot of good reasons not to get all identifiable.
But there is one idiot "Anonymous'' out there who hasn't quite figured out that if you don't like something, it's probably not a good idea to subject yourself to it again and again, unless you like to bang your head against a wall simply becomes it feels so good when you stop.
Let me just say to him or her: "Maybe you should start breaking the pills in half.''
posted by Michael Riley at 2:02 PM
4 Comments:
"But there is one idiot "Anonymous'' out there who hasn't quite figured out that if you don't like something, it's probably not a good idea to subject yourself to it again and again, unless you like to bang your head against a wall simply becomes it feels so good when you stop.
But yet you, Einstein, took the time to respond to my remarks. I guess I struck a nerve, huh?
Riley, you may be a decent guy, but you just aren't funny. You are not even close to being funny, really. For years you have been using the same lame, self-effacing, "Look at what my wife has to say now," "Aren't my kids something else?" format. It sucks.
The readers of The Asbury Park Press would be much better served if the editors of this paper just fired you and paid the costs associated with publishing, say, Dave Barry's column. The cost of that column has to be cheaper than what they pay you. If the editors did that, the readers of this paper would actually get to read quality, Pulitzer Prize winning type of stuff.
Sorry to be blunt, but you just have no game, dude. It's that simple.
Riley Sucks! Give us Dave Barry!
mr. riley,
it sounds like maybe anonymous has just worn himself out. now dave barry can stop posting things subversively on your blog. and maybe take a nap.
Rather than offer retorts and stoop to the level of the spiteful and cowardly Anonymous, I will instead commend you on your delightful columns, Mr. Riley. I have been reading them online for about a year and a half now, and your "lame, self-effacing 'Look at what my wife has to say now,' 'Aren't my kids something else?' format" is really rather endearing.
hey, wacko anon..try not reading riley's columns or his blogs if you despise him so .. you are one dose of lithium away from being the "son of sam" of the asbury press if you can't stop your psycho comments and contrary to what you think is safe to hide behind your cowardice, there are techno ways to trace your computer and event. your real identity..I know because my son does that for a living.. so Mr. Riley let me know when you'd like my son to come to your office and trace this a-hole!
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