Unhappy women?

According to a couple of recent studies, men, it seems, are happier these days than women.
This is a stunning reversal of affairs from 30 years ago, when women had the upper hand in the smiley face department.
My wife and I were watching a television report on the findings this morning, and I turned to her and said, "Hey, I do my part to make women happy. And if if weren't for those pesky wedding vows, I could do a whole lot more...''
When your wife spits out her morning coffee and rolls her eyes, does that mean she's happy?

Hillary "No Torture" Clinton

At the Democratic Candidates' Debate in New Hampshire last night, Hillary Clinton said she wouldn't approve of torturing a suspected terrorist to prevent the detonation of a nuclear bomb.
Well, good for her.
There a few reasons why torture is almost always a bad idea:
1) From a practical standpoint, it doesn't work. John McCain, a man who knows something about torture, has said that a torture victim will tell his captors anything just to get it to stop. So the information is probably useless anyway.
2) There's a moral issue here. If someone can tell me that they can envision Jesus hooking up the jumper cables to some guy's testicles and cranking up the generator, well, they need a little help.
3) Where do you stop? If the guy won't fess up, why not drag his little girl out and torture her in front of him until he talks?
"Whatever it takes'' is tough guy talk for "I'm willing to lose my soul.''

Right-wing Christian exodus?

Do you think that the Christian fundamentalists might move to that heaven on earth, Iran, now that the president of that nation has announced that there are no homosexuals in Iran?

If it weren't for bad luck....

There are a few perks now and then that come with working for a newspaper. I got in to the Springsteen concert last night as part of doing a story on the local color surrounding the event. That's the good news. The bad news is that Bruce and the band were lollygagging so long that I had to leave to file my story before one note had been played.
Oh well....

A eulogy for Marcel Marceau

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RIP

Just when you thought it was safe....

The U.S. Census Bureau says my marriage is not divorce-proof. Do they know something I don't? The figures they've come up with put the lie to the myth that once you've reached the 10-year matrimonial time-post, you can relax a little. Nope.
According to a USA Today story from earlier this week, we hear that the hard work of staying put goes on and on:
"People are at risk of divorce throughout their marriages. That risk probably peaks in years 5 through 10," says Andrew Cherlin, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University.
But making it to the 10th doesn't mean a couple won't split, Cherlin says. "Lots of divorces are occurring after the first decade of marriage." Go to http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-09-19-divorce-census_N.htm for more details.
I've been married 26 years now, and it's better than it's ever been.
But I guess Sue could still screw it up.

ICU for near-dead languages.

The associate director of something called The Living Tongues Institute, a linguist named K. David Harrison, has recently announced that a language goes belly-up every 14 days, when the last speaker of said language dies. There are about 7,000 distinct languages in the world and that seems to me a pretty rapid rate of extinction.
I have mixed feelings about news like this.
On the one hand, there's a certain Darwinian aspect to this. If a language ain't doing the job, it ain't gonna survive. How are you going to order breakfast at McDonald's in the American Indian language of Yuchi? Do they even have a word for Egg McMuffin?
And yet languages are more than lists of words. There is a richness to them, where words are given to relationships, social mores and even games that have no direct translation in English because those relationships and customs are not valued in the English-speaking world. A language goes away and we've lost a little bit of some deep grammar of the human soul.

Finally, a catalog to meet my needs

Just when I was thinking to myself, "Man, my rubber chicken is getting pretty old and ragged,'' comes across my desk the most recent supplement of the Johnson Smith Company catalog, called "Things You Never Knew Existed.''
Fine purveyors of novelties and magic tricks and tasteless jokes since 1914, I was sure they could meet my rubber chicken needs, and sure enough on page 19 there it was -- item DB 3045 Rubber Chicken, described as "The original world famous, full-size, full-color phony fowl'' for $5.98
If you are asking yourself, "What in the world would anybody want with a rubber chicken?'' then frankly, I'm not sure you're the sort of person I want to know.
You're probably the sort who thinks the phrase ''high quality fake vomit'' is an oxymoron.
The catalog is more than joy buzzers and whoopee cushions.
You can buy Halloween costumes, an Indiana Jones fedora, electronic geegaws and T-shirts that read "667 Neighbor of the Beast''
The Web version of the catalog can be found at: http://thingsyouneverknew.com/website/aspfiles/home.asp
But stay away from the X-Ray Specs -- those things are a rip-off.

The Brother Riley Traveling Gospel Show

Springsteen isn't the only guy taking his act on the road this fall. I myself have 3, count 'em 3, gigs this month.
On Sunday 9/16, I'll be giving a talk on "The Problem of Evil'' at Trinity Presbyterian Church, 367 Cranbury Road in East Brunswick, at 9 a.m. We'll examine 2000 years of Christian thinking on the subject in the course of one hour! Must be seen to be believed!
On Sunday 9/23, I'll be delivering a semon titled "The Heartbreak of an Unbroken Vow" at the 9:15 a.m. service at the Reformation Lutheran Church, Broadway & Locust, inWest Long Branch. I'll also be giving a short talk at the 11 a.m. fellowship hour immediately following on "Why We Believe What We Believe.''
And then on 9/30 I'll be preaching at the First Presbyterian Church of Avenel
at 631 E. Woodbridge Ave. in Avenel at 10:30. Step right up, and check it out!

Not exactly a moral dilemma...

Yesterday morning, my son Alex and I were trapped in that particular circle of hell known as Route 287. Construction has rendered a particular stretch of that road nearly impassable given that practically everybody in the state needs to traverse it at the same time I do.
It took so long to get from point A to point B that we needed to get off the road before Point B to make a pit stop at a donut shop. Having relieved ourselves of the burden of a full bladder, we sought sustenence. I ordered a bagel sandwich and a soda. I watched the cashier ring up the order and then saw him hit one more button on the register, the button that registered a 10 percent SENIOR CITIZEN DISCOUNT.
Not a moral dilemma, exactly, but more a matter of hubris. Do I take the discount or do I take umbrage, raise a ruckus and demand that I pay full price because I am most decidedly NOT a senior citizen?
I took the hit on my pride, took the money and hit the road.

Even I was shocked...shocked I tell you.

The wife and I watched the first episode of a new HBO series called "Tell Me You Love Me'' last night about three couples and their sex lives and their therapist.
Now I'm used to racy stuff on TV and nekkidness aplenty. But man, oh man. There's more male nudity here than in a Harvey Keitel film festival.
And what that nice Jane Alexander was doing at the end of the episode...
Happy endings all around!
Did anybody else catch this?

Watch your step: BS ahead!

This morning, I pulled carefully between two white lines in a supermarket parking lot, and promptly stepped into some advertising. No foolin'. Somehow each white line has been painted or decal-ed with the words "Parking for DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Sundays ABC''
Is there nowhere on God's increasing paved-over earth where we're free of someone trying to sell us something?

A public service announcement

A friend recently e-mailed a notice about a new illness making the rounds. If you want to take a day off, you call your boss and tell him or her you have a case of "anal blindness.''
If the boss asks what that is, you say, "I just don't see my butt coming into work today.''
Let me know how it works out.

It's about time...

With all the tongue-clicking and head-shaking going on over the latest run of NJ public officials arrested for bribe-taking, I've tried to find a sliver living.

One of the 12 arrested Thursday, Assemblyman Alfred Steele, D-Passaic, is also a church pastor. It's about time the clergy expanded its repetoire. It's been a while since we've seen a man of God charged with greed instead of lust.

On the other hand, I'm praying McGreevey shuts up

As if Idaho Sen. Larry Craig didn't have enough problems, what with the foot touching and hand reaching and the resigning from the Senate over a guilty plea to disorderly contact because of what might have been the beginnings of a solicitation to have sex in a men's room, along comes Jim McGreevey with some advice.

In a letter published yesterday in the Washington Post, the former governor and all-time weasel wrote that he's praying that Craig to "come to peace with his truth, whatever that truth may be.''

In the first place, nobody asked McGreevey for his counsel and the worst kind of advice is the unsolicited kind. In the second place, when you do give unsolicited advice, you generally give it directly to person whose business you're sticking your nose in, so they can to tell you directly where to stick your advice and not send it to a newspaper. And in the third place, McGreevey admits he's giving advice on a subject he knows absolutely nothing about - namely, Craig's "truth.''

Once McGreevey starts seminary, I'm sure he'll come across passages in the Bible where God strikes a couple of big mouths mute. Of course, God doesn't like to pull out all the stops like that right away. He usually relies on the common sense of the blabbermouth to please, just shut up.